Another Demented Fanfiction
by ryu-hane
Summary: For Love or Money---Inu-Chan style! Who will win everyone's favorite hanyou?
1. Acte 1: It Starts

*Author's Note*  
SQUEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. Hello to all of you people who have been forever scarred by my first fanfiction, Torture to Love?, and hello also to all of you mindless idiots-- -I mean, wonderfully smart people---who decided to read my new fanfiction. Anywho.....  
It's me, back from the very depths of Hell to torment young children-- -I mean, to enlighten children on subjects that will enable them to burn in Hell---I mean, live a happy life. I really need to stop getting sugar high. Wait---what the Hell did I just say?!  
This fanfiction is sort of like that new TV show, I think it's called "For Love or Money" or something like that. Anywho, that's what this fanfiction's gonna be based on, with Inu-Yasha as the guy they're all gonna try to get. I might even try to put some characters from other shows in here. Be prepared for insanity, maybe even more than my previous fanfiction. I'm even thinking of having a few of the Inu-Yasha guys go in drag for the thing. You have been warned.  
  
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*It Starts* Jenny: *dressed up as Ryo-Oki* Dammit, I thought I called everyone here.  
  
Kellsey: *dressed up as the cat from .hack//SIGN* Do you think it has anything to do with me letting Leopard outside?  
  
Jenny: *heard from outside the building* YOU WHAT?!?!?!?!?!  
  
*2 hours later*  
  
Jenny: *marching up and down a line of fifteen people holding a giant mallet*  
  
Kellsey: *following Jenny with a chair*  
  
*The fifteen people stand in a line: Kagome, Kikyo, Yumi, Tasuki, Megumi, Kaoru, Dita, Umi, Yayoi, Shido, Chi, Ryoko, two strangely familiar girls, and Kirika*  
  
Kellsey: *stops in front of a tall person with a long, bluish-white hair and a white kimono* And who are you?  
  
Girl: *in a high nasal voice* My name's---uh---Sessha-Mari.  
  
Jenny: Sessho-Maru, what the Hell are you doing here?  
  
Sessho-Maru: Is it so wrong that I want to show my feminine side every once in a while?!  
  
*silence*  
  
Jenny: Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, next.  
  
Kellsey: *in front of the other strange "girl"* Let me guess. You're Miroka?  
  
Miroku: *holding a fan in front of his face* Why whatever do you mean?  
  
Jenny: *whacks Miroku on the back which causes several porn magazines to fall out of his kimono*  
  
Chi: Wanky! Wanky!  
  
Jenny: Something tells me a normal girl wouldn't be carryin' that around.  
  
Sessho-Maru: *powdering his face* We're here for money.  
  
Kellsey: Tasuki?!  
  
Jenny: Shido?!  
  
Shido: Huh? You mean this isn't the Christmas party?  
  
Tasuki: Damn! Don't tell me we went to the wrong place again!  
  
Kellsey: Fine. We won't tell you.  
  
*the two psychos' boyfriends exit*  
  
Jenny: *marching in front of the thirteen remaining "girls"* Anywho, here's how it goes.  
  
Umi: You mean, this wasn't the Christmas party?  
  
Jenny: I thought we already decided that!  
  
Umi: Oh. *exits followed by Ryoko, Dita, and Yayoi*  
  
Chi: *pointing at Miroku looking through his porn magazines* Wanky! Wanky! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaankyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! *also leaves*  
  
Jenny and Kellsey: *looking at the pathetic bunch of people remaining*  
  
Kellsey: What the Hell. Why do you wanna be on the show?  
  
Kagome: I'm the one who Inu-Yasha loves. *everyone stares* Well, I am!  
  
Jenny: Good enough for us!  
  
Kikyo: I don't know why I'm here.  
  
Jenny and Kellsey: *throw Kikyo plushies at Kikyo*  
  
Kikyo: IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jenny: That's why!!!  
  
Yumi: I'm an E-cup!!!  
  
Jenny and Kellsey: *glance at each other* Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.  
  
Megumi: I'm here because Kellsey despises my very being.  
  
Kellsey: Right you are!!! *throws a Kikyo plushie at Megumi's head*  
  
Jenny: Ooo!!! Let me try!!! *throws a Kikyo plushie at Megumi*  
  
Kaoru: I want to see a demon.  
  
Sessho-Maru: *giving himself a manicure* What do you call me?!  
  
Kaoru: *whispering to Jenny* A straight demon.  
  
Sessho-Maru: Just because I have a feminine side doesn't mean I'm gay!! *flicks his hair over his shoulder causing everyone to stare* I-I don't have to take this! You're all just jealous because I'm prettier than you!! *runs to his dressing room and the Sailor Moon song is heard playing soon after*  
  
Jenny: How bout you Kirika?  
  
Kirika: Inu-Yasha has a slinky. I like slinkies.  
  
Kellsey: Alrighty then!!! All you girls have to do.....  
  
Jenny: .....is get Inu-Yasha to fall in love with you! The one he falls in love with.....  
  
Kellsey: .....gets the money!!!  
  
Megumi: That finishing each other's sentences is really annoying.  
  
Jenny: Well, we start filming tomorrow!!!  
  
Yumi: I'm an E-cup!!!  
  
*silence*  
  
Jenny: *breaks the silence by throwing a Kikyo plushie at Yumi*  
  
Yumi: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT BUUUUUUUUUUUURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kagome: Well, we all know who's gonna win.  
  
Kikyo: Yep.  
  
Kagome, Kikyo, Yumi, Megumi, and Kaoru: ME!!!  
  
*a huge cat fight breaks out in the room as Jenny and Kellsey sneak off to Sessho-Maru's dressing room*  
  
J&K: *peek inside the room to see Sessho-Maru watching Sailor Moon in a fetal position sucking his thumb*  
  
Sessho-Maru: *singing to himself as he rocks back and forth* She is the one named Sailor Moon. She is the one named Sailor Moon. She is the one *dun dun* Sailor Moon!!!  
  
Jenny: *closes the door softly* We lose so many good yokai that way.  
  
Kellsey: Too true. Too true.  
  
Jenny: *walks back to the room to find Kirika in a sort of trance*  
  
Kirika: Sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinkyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.  
  
Miroku: *waving a slinky in front of Kirika's face* That's right, Kiri- Chan. Nice slinky. Come to slinky.  
  
Kirika: *pulls out a gun and shoots Miroku, catching the slinky* *grins as she nestles the slinky* Sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinkyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.  
  
Kellsey: Well we'll see you all tomorrow.  
  
*crickets can be heard in the background*  
  
Jenny: In other words.....  
  
Jenny and Kellsey: LEAVE!!!!!  
  
*more silence along with a tumbleweed*  
  
Jenny and Kellsey: *bombard the girls and the already dead Miroku with Kikyo plushies, laughing evilly*  
  
*all of the girls go running except Kirika, still nestling the slinky*  
  
Kirika: Sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinkyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.  
  
*Jenny and Kellsey go back to Sessho-Maru's dressing room, where the three of them dance to the Sailor Moon song*  
  
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Jenny: Why the Hell are you people still here?!  
  
Kellsey: Now, now, we must be nice to our readers.  
  
Jenny: Oh yeah! My Torture to Love fanfiction got seven reviews so far! Seven!!! *sniffle* I truly am loved.  
  
Kellsey: There, there.  
  
Jenny: It's just so wonderful!!! *starts bawling like crazy*  
  
Kellsey: I know.  
  
Jenny: Anywho, I'm listening to My Will right now. I love this song! I've pretty much memorized it too.  
  
Kellsey: Shall we?  
  
Jenny: Yes.  
  
Weird Announcer Guy: And now for the traditional ryu-hane ending---square- dancing to the Hamtaro song!  
  
*Jenny and Kellsey start square-dancing as Caitlin and Jessica sing the Hamtaro song*  
  
Let's make a wish, oo oo. Make it come true. Sing along with us is all you do! Come on and do your very best, oo oo. Get a hundred on a test. All of your dreams will come true! Come on and sing this secret spell, It's just for you! Think of all the love you'll bring! Hamtaro will know, just what to do. This will be our song, Come on and sing!!!  
  
Jenny, Kellsey, Jessica, and Caitlin: TAAAAAAAAAAADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
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	2. Acte 2: The Insanity Never Ends

*Author's Note*  
Hello. My name is Bob, and I am a Bobbin from the planet Bob.  
Now that that's outta my system.  
Well, here we go. Second chapter. Yep. Heh. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....................Shido ..............*makes kissy face and is immediately hit with a book* Dammit Kellsey! Just for that I'll say Tasuki next time! Where were we? Ah yes.  
Most of you probably weren't surprised about Fluffy going in drag, but personally, the thought of Miroku going disguised as a girl is just frightening. Anyone who read my little thing with Miroku in one of Kagome's school uniforms knows what I mean. Um, I think I should just start the chapter.  
Oh yeah. Don't worry, Miroku's still alive. (DON'T WORRY?!) I think I'm going to have Kirika kill him at least once a chapter. : ) **************************************************************************** ************************************  
  
Jenny: *dressed up as Mog* Everyone know what to do?  
  
Kaoru: Ooo. Pom-pom.  
  
*the six girls and two guys in drag surround the girl to touch the pom-pom*  
  
Kellsey: *dressed up as Shiina* Um, I wouldn't do that if I were you.  
  
Jenny: HANDS OFF THE POM-POM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone but Kellsey: *still touching the pom-pom*  
  
Jenny: *starts growling loudly* DAMMIT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'VE GOT A JAKEN PLUSHIE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*everyone keeps on touching the pom-pom as Kellsey runs for cover*  
  
*a loud farting noise is heard as Jenny throws the Jaken plushie at Kikyo (She deserves it most)*  
  
Rin: *blushing* Rin is sorry again.  
  
Sessho-Maru: Rin! I told you no more bean burritos after what happened at the psychiatrists' office.  
  
Rin: But Rin didn't have a bean burrito.  
  
Sessho-Maru: What did you have then?  
  
Rin: Rin had a Super-Duper-Mega-Ultra-Kill-Everyone-With-Just-One-Fart- Burrito.  
  
Jenny: *straightening her pom-pom* Well, we need to start filming.  
  
Yumi: I'm an E-Cup!  
  
Kellsey: So wrong.  
  
Jenny: So very wrong.  
  
Jenny and Kellsey: *both throw Kikyo plushies at Yumi*  
  
Kagome: Bring in the hanyou!!!  
  
Sessho-Maru: *running around frantically* Does my hair look okay? Does my hair look okay?  
  
Miroku: *holding up another hentai magazine* Yeah. It looks fine.  
  
Jenny: *looking at Miroku's chest* Your tits are crooked.  
  
Miroku: *straightens out stuffing*  
  
Alicia and Rose: *laughing their asses off in a corner of the room*  
  
Kikyo: Not them again.  
  
Alicia: *holds up a Kikyo plushie with a strand of black hair tied around it*  
  
Kikyo: You - you wouldn't.  
  
Alicia: Rose.  
  
Rose: Alicia. *lights a match under the Kikyo plushie*  
  
Kikyo: *feels her ass starting to get warm*  
  
Kellsey: *holds a lighter under the Kikyo plushie*  
  
Kikyo: *starts beating her ass to put the fire out*  
  
Jenny: *grinning VERY evilly* *holds a flaming torch under the Kikyo plushie, which is engulfed by flames*  
  
*a flaming Kikyo runs around the room screaming bloody murder*  
  
Jenny: *tears welling in her eyes* Such a lovely sight.  
  
Kellsey: *also crying* Yea, verily.  
  
Jenny: Okay! Bring in the hanyou!!!  
  
* a tree with a sleeping Inu-Yasha appears in the middle of the room*  
  
*the eight people climb in the tree while Kagome wakes up Inu-Yasha*  
  
Kellsey: What do we do now?  
  
Jenny: Sit and watch.  
  
Alicia: Kikyo plushie? I also have Koga, Yayoi, and Megumi. Not to mention a complimentary hair with each plushie.  
  
Jenny and Kellsey: *grin evilly*  
  
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Jenny: Before we continue this fanfiction, I've got something to say!!!  
  
Kellsey: Go ahead.  
  
Jenny: I stayed up until 11:30 last night to watch .hack//SIGN, and it was a recap episode!!! A damned recap episode!!!!! Why? WHY?! *bursts into tears*  
  
Kellsey: Now to continue the chapter.  
  
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Jenny, Kellsey, Rose, and Alicia: *eating popcorn while torturing their voodoo dolls/anime plushies*  
  
Inu-Yasha: Ramen...ramen...I love ramen.  
  
Kagome: Inu-Chan.  
  
Inu-Yasha: *still half asleep* Huh?  
  
Kagome: Sit.  
  
Inu-Yasha: *goes crashing to the ground*  
  
Kaoru: So this is what a demon looks like.  
  
Yumi: *grinning broadly* I'm an Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-cup!  
  
Inu-Yasha: Wow.  
  
Kagome: SIT BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kirika: *staring at Inu-Yasha*  
  
Inu-Yasha: Wha-what?  
  
Kirika: *getting REALLY close to Inu-Yasha*  
  
Inu-Yasha: Uh, uh.  
  
Kirika: Slinky.  
  
Inu-Yasha: Pi?  
  
Kirika: *WAAAAAY up in his face* Sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinky  
  
Inu-Yasha: Slinky? Is that your name?  
  
Kirika: Slinky! *throws her arms around Inu-Yasha as Kagome's eyes pop out*  
  
Yumi: But I'm an E-Cup!!!!!  
  
Jenny, Kellsey, Rose, and Alicia: *chewing popcorn and sticking pins in various anime plushies as they watch the insanity*  
  
Inu-Yasha: *looks up at Kaoru* Who's the raccoon?  
  
Kaoru: RACCOON?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
*Kaoru is trying to beat the shit out of Inu-Yasha with a bamboo sword as Kagome starts screaming "SIT!!!" at the top of her lungs and Kirika and Yumi start nuzzling Inu-Chan while he is slammed even further into the ground and Megumi is off in a corner doing that really annoying laugh that she does. Kikyo is still trying to get the stench of the Jaken plushie out of her kimono and Miroku is fanning his face while Sessho-Maru fixes his hair*  
  
Jenny: Nothing like the sight of mass chaos to put your heart at ease.  
  
Kellsey, Rose, and Alicia: Yeah.  
  
Yumi: I'm an E-cup Inu-Chan! *takes Inu-Yasha's hand and sticks it in her shirt* See?  
  
Inu-Yasha: *his face turning bright red* Y-Yeah. I s-see.  
  
Kagome: *holding a giant machine gun with flames in the background* Merry Christmas everyone.  
  
Kaoru: But it's not Christmas Kagome-Chan.  
  
Kagome: *with a VERY evil gleam in her eye* Merry Christmas to all --- NOW YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *starts firing the machine gun with a maniacal laugh to go with it*  
  
Inu-Yasha: NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANY MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jenny: I know!!! Isn't it wonderful?!  
  
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Jenny: So, Inu-Yasha. You survived your first day. How does it feel.  
  
Inu-Yasha: E-cup, E-cup, Yumi-Chan's an E-cup. Whee hee hoo.  
  
Kellsey: So then your gonna go with Yumi?  
  
Inu-Yasha: Fwee hee hoo. Yumi-Chan's an E-cup.  
  
Miroku: Hey! Just cuz Yumi's got twice - no - three times the bust size of Kagome doesn't mean that she's better than the rest of us! *murmurs to himself* Then again, she could probably bear a fine son.  
  
Inu-Yasha: MIROKU?!?!?!?!  
  
Miroku: *quickly covers his face with his fan and starts speaking in a nasal voice* Miroku? You mean that handsome monk? He just left. Why, it would be an honor to bear his son.  
  
Inu-Yasha: YOU ROTTEN BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
********************A WARNING TO READERS********************  
  
THE FOLLOWING SCENE WAS FAR TOO GRUESOME TO BE PORTRAYED IN MERE WORDS, AND  
SO INSTEAD WE PROVIDE YOU WITH THE FOLLOWING EDUCATIONAL PROGRAM.  
  
Man in a carrot suit: Veggies are you're pals! Veggies are you're pals! Hi ho the dairy-o, veggies are you're pals.  
  
Little kid: *attacks the giant carrot man*  
  
Guy in carrot suit: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*******************AND NOW BACK TO THE INSANITY********************  
  
Miroku: Slinky, slinky.....  
  
Inu-Yasha: Why the Hell didn't you tell me that Miroku was in drag?!?!?!  
  
Jenny: Must've slipped our minds.  
  
Inu-Yasha: So what are all these girls doing here anyway?  
  
Jenny and Kellsey: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..........  
  
Kirika: *jumps on Inu-Yasha's back* Slinky!!!  
  
Inu-Yasha: Damn, you're heavier than you look.  
  
Kirika: *eyes wide* Slinky?  
  
Inu-Yasha: Huh?  
  
Kirika: *growling quietly* Slinky...  
  
Inu-Yasha: Ki-Kiri-Chan?  
  
Miroku: *hiding behind a curtain* You are getting slinky. Very very slinky.  
  
Kirika: *viciously attacks Miroku and screaming is soon heard from behind the curtain*  
  
Miroku: Eezy squeezy---oh screw it.  
  
Inu-Yasha: Uh Miroku? Are you okay?  
  
Miroku: *lifts up his bloody face* Oh yeah, I'm perfectly fine*  
  
Kirika: *throws a Kikyo plushie at Miroku*  
  
Miroku: Nighty night Mommy. *drops dead*  
  
Jenny: That's all for today!  
  
**************************************************************************** ************************************  
  
Jenny: I need my cappuccino.  
  
Kellsey: Kodoku! Kodoku!!!  
  
Jenny: *shoots Kellsey*  
  
Kodoku: Why me?!?!?!  
  
Inu-Yasha: So who the Hell is he?  
  
Jenny: This is Kodoku-Chan, my manga character!  
  
Kellsey: Kodoku-Chan!!!  
  
Jenny: *whacks Kellsey with Lunato Mercury* Whom Kellsey has a huge crush on.  
  
Kellsey: *blood dripping down her forehead* Kodoku-Chan.  
  
Jenny: Anyway, from now on we'll be eliminating one contestant a chapter until we're down to the final three. I hope I can manage! 


End file.
